


Past

by HerDiamonds



Series: Ghosts of Us [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Character Death, F/F, Fix It Fic, This is only the beginning, ansgt, stick with me, this isn’t the end yet y'all, trust me - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 19:13:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12688491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HerDiamonds/pseuds/HerDiamonds
Summary: Six years after Maggie walked out her door, Alex gets a phone call from an unknown number.She’s not sure what to think, but she arrives in Gotham City on behalf of the caller.





	Past

**Author's Note:**

> so, here we are, this is technically the piece I wrote first, and then realized this is the damn middle of everything, so I decided to let it spiral into the series. 
> 
> please, please, please hang in there, okay? Letters to Alex has more to come, as well as there are three more parts already written for this series with so many twists and loops. I know you all want answers, and Past will bring you answers, but its going to leave you with many questions as well. 
> 
> This is also only a single post. the “chaptered” stories in this series are Letters to Alex and The In Between, so keep your eyes peeled for those to be updated and if you have anything you’d like to see in those pics, feel free to message me!

  
  


The phone calls stopped coming after three weeks. Maggie texted her once after their break up, a week into their breakup. They texted and called each other, deciding to remain friends after that. It was hard, and awkward.  And then Maggie told her she was moving back to Gotham. Because her old boss wanted her back. Because her old boss wanted her. Because her old boss could give her something in life that would keep her mind off of Alex. And a week after Maggie got settled in Gotham, the phone calls and texts stopped coming. It was just too hard. She couldn’t do it anymore. She was drowning. So, Maggie just stopped answering them. 

 

Alex never stopped trying to call.

 

She didn’t even know why she’s trying anymore. She’s ready to give up on her dreams right now, but then she’d truly be alone and still not happy. Not that she wasn’t alone now, because she was. There were no kids, no dog, not even another person to love in her life. Alex was alone. Kara of course was still there for her, but it was different. Kara was her sister, she wanted someone she could share her life with on an equal front. She  _ wanted _ Maggie.  

 

It’s been over six years now, since she and Maggie had ended their relationship, and not a day had gone by where Alex wished Maggie was still by her side, especially on days like today. She missed her so much. 

 

She slides her phone back into her pocket and wipes the tear that escaped from behind her lashes. The fourth adoption agency she tried to work with called her back and had left her a message, and yet again, her application was denied. Apparently a single woman in the ‘FBI’ isn’t the best career for adopting… 

 

She’s ready to give up, but Kara still reminds her that IVF is a thing. But she really didn’t want to be pregnant. She did six years ago, when Maggie and her were together, because she would have someone with her to share those experiences with. She had no one to experience it with now. Even after all this time. 

 

She doesn’t want to go through pregnancy alone. 

 

_ Alone _ . It resonates with her. 

 

Maggie wrecked her, completely. 

 

She had casual flings for a while after Maggie stopped answering, to nurse her wounds, but nothing ever stuck, and there was still a very big, Maggie-sized hole in her heart that would never be filled by any woman again. It just wasn’t possible. 

 

She’d taken all of things that were hers, yet reminded her of Maggie, out of the apartment and put them in storage. Realistically, she should’ve just thrown it all out, but some days were harder than others and it was always nice to be able to go grab one of Maggie’s sweatshirts, that were way too big for her, and sleep with it, because it still smelled like her, ever so slightly. She still vividly remembers the day they broke up, and she’d asked to keep a few items of Maggie’s clothes. Maggie told her on one condition: she got to keep somethings of Alex’s. It was fair, but left Alex without her favourite pair of sweatpants, one of her university sweatshirts, and two button up shirts that Maggie said looked better on her than Alex anyway… 

 

All the pictures of them had been placed in storage as well. 

 

She couldn’t bear to look at them around her apartment anymore. 

 

It hurt everyday. 

 

And Alex wished that every time that back when she had called, she prayed Maggie would’ve answer the phone. She prayed that she would answer so that Alex could finally tell her everything. Tell her that honestly, she had learned to live without kids, but she couldn’t live without Maggie. Maggie was like her air. She couldn’t live without air. And for the past six years, she was barely getting by. 

 

The last time Maggie answered her phone calls, three months into moving to Gotham, she yelled. She snapped at Alex, hitting her breaking point. Maggie screamed at her to stop calling, because it was only hurting them. She cried over the phone, telling Alex that she had to stop calling, so that Alex could heal and Maggie could learn to live without her whole world, again. 

 

That never stopped Alex, and she was always forwarded to voicemail, but it still let her hear Maggie’s voice, until one day the voicemail never came. An automated voice did, informing her that the number was no longer in service. 

 

Alex smashed her phone that day. 

 

She never heard from Maggie, or about Maggie since that day, over five years ago at that point. Until Monday afternoon rolled around. 

 

The call came, an unknown number on her personal cell phone, asking to speak with Agent Alex Danvers. She was concerned as to how someone got her phone number, but continued to listen to the woman on the other line speak, requesting her presence in Gotham City urgently, regarding one Margarita E. Sawyer, because Alex was in her will. 

 

She’d made a beeline for a trashcan and emptied the contents of her stomach into it. Kara was able to take the phone from her, speaking to the lawyer and letting her know that Alex would be on the next flight out. Alex thanked her sister for finishing the call for her, and rubbing her back as she’d now thrown up everything that was in her stomach from that morning. 

 

She arrived at the address in Gotham City five hours later, after catching the first flight out and speeding her way towards the office. She was brought up to a small conference room and asked to be seated while waiting for the woman, Bridget Becker, from the phone call to meet her in the room to fully explain what was happening. 

 

“Agent Danvers, it’s nice to meet you. I’m sorry it’s under these circumstances. I’m Bridget, I spoke with you on the phone.” She introduced herself, holding out her hand for Alex to shake. 

 

“Alex, please.” She replied, shaking the woman’s hand and sitting back down after introductions. 

 

“Do you know why exactly you’re here?” Bridget asked and Alex shook her head. 

 

“Only from what you told me, Maggie named me in her will. For what, I have no idea?” She said and Bridget nodded, pulling out a file from her briefcase. “Maggie’s my ex-fiancé, I don’t understand why I’m named in her will…” Alex stated, confused. 

 

“Can you tell me the last time you had contact with Detective Sawyer?” Bridget asked. 

 

“In person, the night we broke up six years ago. A few months after that, after persistent calling, she finally answered my phone calls only to yell at me and tell me to stop calling. And then her phone number was disconnected shortly after that. Since then, nothing but radio silence. I haven’t heard anything about her until today, why?” Alex questioned, still very confused as to what was going on. 

 

“So you were never aware that Detective Sawyer had a child?” Bridget furrowed her brow.

 

“A what?” Alex balked. 

 

“You’re named in her will ‘If anything were to happen to me, please place my daughter, Jamie Alexandra Sawyer, with Agent Alexandra Danvers’ and Detective Sawyer was shot in the line of duty last week. We’ve been going through everything since then.” Bridget read from the papers and informed Alex.

 

“This is some kind of joke, right? Maggie doesn’t have a kid. The whole reason she left me was because  _ I _ wanted kids and she  _ didn’t _ .” Alex fumed. 

 

Bridget showed her the writing in the will and then handed her an envelope. “Detective Sawyer insisted on me to give you this as well.” She spoke, handing Alex a manilla envelope. 

 

“Great.” Alex mumbled under her breath, tearing open the manilla envelope and pulling out a few pieces of papers. 

 

On top was a birth certificate, Jamie’s specifically, and next was a few pieces of paper, stapled together. 

 

“You have until the end of the week to make a decision. CPS has the child for now, and after that, she will be given to the state.” Bridget announced as Alex began to read the letter. 

 

_ Alex,  _

_             If you’re reading this, it means I’m gone. I know this was probably the last thing you were expecting, but I wouldn’t ask you if I was still here. Please take care of Jamie for me. I know I’m asking a lot but there is no one else in this world I would rather have raising my daughter.  _

_             My daughter. Ironic, huh? Kids were the reason we never worked because you were the one who wanted them and I didn’t, yet here I am with a kid…the thing you wanted most in life and I wanted least. The universe is playing a real sick joke.  _

_             Before you go all gung-ho and rip this up, let me explain, Jamie was not planned. I didn’t want her, at all…  _

_             I was on an undercover operation and was drugged. Then I was raped. And held captive. By the time my team was able to locate me everything was too late. I went into labour just as the team had began to take down everyone. I spent an entire eight and a half months in captivity, pregnant with a psychopath’s child because he’d drugged and raped me.  _

_             I didn’t want her. I had hoped and prayed every day that someone would be able to find me so I could go get an abortion. But no one ever came. So I planned on giving her up for adoption. And then in the hospital, when they finally laid Jamie on my belly after she was born, I cried. Alex, I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t strong enough to give her up, to give her the best life. I was selfish and stupid. So I brought a baby home, to an apartment I hadn’t been to in almost a year, with nothing for her. But I felt bad for her. Because I hated her so much before she was born. I didn’t want her at all. I didn’t love her, I didn’t want to love her until she was here. I was terrified of her. Terrified of a baby. I still am terrified. I was terrified that I would lose her or she would lose me, but I guess she did since you’re reading this. I was all she had, she was all I had. But now she’s got no one. Which is why I’m asking you. She needs you, Alex. You’ll be an excellent mother. You’ll know what to do. Please do this for me.  _

_             Jamie knows about you. I don’t really keep anything from her, as long as it’s age appropriate. She knew that if anything happened to me, that I would want her to go live with you. She knows we were together and why we broke up. She knows how much I love her, and how much I loved you. I loved you enough to walk away. It killed me every single day, that having kids was the reason you and I never worked out and yet here I am, writing you this letter telling you that you have custody over my child now. I’m sorry how everything turned out between us, and if you don’t want to take her I understand. But just know that I have always loved you, Alexandra Danvers and I wish I could take back every bad thing that happened between us, even if that meant I lost Jamie. But she’s the one who lost for now. I know that with you raising her, she won’t be missing out on anything. I know that you will love her, if you can accept her. And you can protect her. And Alex, I’m sorry for everything.  _

_             She’s all I have, and she needs you, Alex. I know I’m asking a lot. I’m sorry.  _

_             If you decide to take her in, thank you. There’s a list attached that contains her medical history and allergies. She’s very intelligent and can answer most questions about herself if you ask. She’s shy around other people, but shouldn’t be around you. She’ll want to take most of her stuff from our apartment, and if she wants anything of mine, just let her have it, it’s not worth fighting for.  _

_             Alex, make sure she’s loved. Make sure you tell her everyday. Make sure she feels loved too.  _

_                                                                                                                                                           I love you, forever _

_                                                                                                                                                                                  Maggie _

Alex met Jamie that Tuesday morning, bright and early at the park, with the woman from social services. Alex had been a nervous wreck, but she would never leave Jamie in the hands of the state, so the night before she had told the lawyer indefinitely that she was taking Jamie, and signed all necessary papers. 

 

Jamie had taken to her immediately, and it had probably helped that Maggie had told Jamie so much about her, in case of this happening so Jamie wasn’t going to just be living with a stranger essentially. Jamie had hugged her and was so happy to have finally met her. Alex cried that first time Jamie hugged her and told her the story of how Mama had named her Jamie  _ Alexandra.  _

 

They’d returned back to National City the following week, after going through Maggie’s apartment. They’d spent the entire week going through all of Jamie and Maggie’s things, deciding what to take with them and what to give away. 

 

The thing that shocked Alex the most was the two shoeboxes Jamie had pulled out from under Maggie’s bed. At first, when Jamie had handed them to her, she was skeptic and terrified that there was somethings in those boxes that children should not see, but when she took off the lid to one of them, she found stacks of letters, all addressed to her. 

 

She spent many nights reading them to herself after that, and some, ones that didn’t talk about the terrifying times she was held captive, she would read to Jamie as she fell asleep in her new room. Others, like the ones Maggie had addressed her calling once a day, she would keep to herself. The ones where Maggie told her she almost answered the calls broke her heart a little more. 

 

Having Jamie with her helped her feel like Maggie was still close. 

 

After they’d first returned to National City and Alex started renting the new apartment, the two bedroom one, she dug out all the old photos of her and Maggie together, no matter how much it hurt her to look at them. She refused to let Maggie become a distant memory, even after she was gone. 

 

Maggie would live on through Jamie, and Alex vowed to herself to never let Jamie forget her Mama. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is why I shouldn’t be allowed access to writing materials… things spiral out of control...


End file.
